During my teen I rejected the gospel in which my mother taught me throughout my childhood years & decided pursuit another route & declare this to my mother. I wanted to be perfectly clear that I was taught that Jesus did died on the cross & took our sins & we inherit His righteousness. When we believe confess, repent our sins to Him. She caution me not to pursuit this course, however I did not listen her but she took my hand & began to pray. Out respect for her I chuckled under my breathe nonetheless as Saint Augustine echo there words; our heart is not quiet until it rests in Thee or Christ. These word rung true throughout my rebellious years. Without getting into the details what I done what I’ll say that there was heaviness or yoke that hung around my body & more I rebelled the worst it got. Despite my foolishness God still send the hounds of heaven & pursuit & send people to preach the gospel. Every person that attempted to tell me about Jesus I’d respond by stating these words “it my mother religion” or not interested or I do not believe in it but okay for you not for me.
Until August 8th 1976 when a woman named Birdie asked me if I ever prayed. I wanted to leave the premises however, I not able to. She gave me a bible asked me to read several bible verses Psalm 32; 1- 3 & 1 John 1; 8 – 9 later on she tack on Psalm 51. Our session came to a close & was glad and left. Nevertheless, when I left there was two forces working within me that day. One accusing of being one evil SOB The other encourage me to looked at scripture verses. So I read Psalm 51 until reach verse four in which it stated: “Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment“. I closed the bible what the passage stated was true. I did violated His commandment & was without excuse. It was not my mother religion but God who did not existed in my mine, that hounded throughout my rebellious years. That also terrify me when my brother suddenly died car in accident & wanted learn more about Him. He was within his rights to pronounce judgement. At the time It appeared I was without hope & this at gnawed me. I had many thoughts operating within my thoughts as previously stated two forces were working within me. One was the encourager the other was accusing me. It felt like I was in wrestling match. One of the thoughts that pop into my head & it was clear as a bell. Our next door neighbor allow our family use their cottage for a week at Lake Muskogee. My youngest brother & I were bouncing on diving board on the dock & he fell into the lake & would’ve drown. If wasn’t for my Marcia who was on the dock at the time jump in & held him until someone pull him out of the lake. At the time I was paralyzed with fear & thought I pushed him in & it tormented me for years. Instantaneously another concept pop in my brain. When roughly seven year old I remember being on the lower diving board at Macklin pool ready to jump into 10 feet of water & was apprehensive more or less like cold feet nonetheless in the pool was my sister Marcia who was encouraging me to jump in which I finality did. What I needed to do is trust in the spirit of faith in which it was encouraging me to leap into the unknown. Even thou I did not fully understand it. The only thing I knew was some guy name Jesus died on a cross for all the wrongs things we did. A story told by mother throughout my childhood years. Around a kitchen table at Christian retreat Center called L’Abri in front of several witness. I simply asked Jesus to forgive me & thank him. I felt a huge burden was lifted from me & felt free indeed. All the things that hung around & haunted me instantaneously went away.
God heard my prayer. God also heard another prayer that day my mother prayer her foolish rebellious is now believer. Perhaps true scriptures says;I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents
By the way I did not pushed my brother push into the lake he simply bouncing on board & fell in One many fat lies told me that day & throughout rebellious years by devil himself.