Martin Lloyd Jones said God allow rebellion for short period to show how ugly sin and how effect you.During my teen, I rejected the gospel in which my mother taught me throughout my childhood years & decided pursuit another route & declare this to my mother. She prays for me known as the attic I hated Christians or all foam of religion to preached the gospel you simply I was not interested nor did want to hear it. 
I wanted to be perfectly clear that I was taught that Jesus did die on the cross & took our sins & we inherit His righteousness. When we believe, confess, repent of our sins to Jesus. She warned me not to pursuit this course; however, I did not listen her but she took my hand & began to pray for me. Out respect for her, I chuckled under my breath nonetheless as Saint Augustine echo these words; our heart is not quiet until it rests in Thee “or Christ. These words rang  true throughout my rebellious years.  Without  getting into the details what I done what I’ll say that there was heaviness or yoke  that hung around my body & more I rebelled  the worst it got. Despite my foolishness God still send the hounds of heaven & pursuit me & send people to preach the gospel. Every person that tried to tell me about Jesus I’d respond by stating these words “it my mother religion” or not interested or I do not believe in it but okay for you not for me. I would describe myself prodigal son in the life style.  
On October 25th 1975 my brother died in an accident, in which scared the crab out of me. While funeral the people who attended my mother church were consoling us very people , I hated I simply lost it. My brother Stuart to calm me down, however, this first I mentioned God; however, I blame him for my brother death.  I wonder why God took my brother at such young age. Is this it of 28? Is their life  after death? Is there a God? So many questions yet no answers were given. I had to know I needed to find out! Started reading the Bible I was more confused than satisfied. The first thing  I noticed the beauty of creations. My why mother would often point out how God created the earth, and how wonderful it looked  My  brother and I went to Boston for the weekend to When visited sister  visited my sister. Who is a follower of Jesus Christ just like her mother Marcia?  We went to the park Marcia, and I attended to play Frisbee, but, they couldn’t locate it.  So we went for a walk along the beach; an I started asking questions about God. While much of the conversation I  not recall, nonetheless, I  remembered two things, Go to L’abri a Christian retreat center Switzerland and she mentioned was a rebellious child at one point in her life. I went to L’abri beginning of August 1976 along with the advice with my mother.  On August 8th, 1976 when a woman named Birdie asked for me if I ever prayed. I wanted to leave the premises; however, I unable to leave nor did I mouth her off. She gave me. Several  Bible asked  me to read several Bible verses  Psalm 32; 1- 3 & 1 John 1; 8 – 9  later on she tack on Psalm 51. Our session came to a close & was glad and left.
 However did read Psalm 51 until verse 4 where stated,  Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge. I closed the Bible, nonetheless, there were still two forces working within me that day? One accusing of being one evil SOB and in which I was guilty as charged. I violated God’s moral law I hated all Christian’s bottom line I hated God I was without excuse. To me religion and God, I was not interested even thou the hound of heaven pursuit me throughout my rebellious years. The God terrified me when my brother suddenly died in car crash was convicting of my immoral behavior. The God terrified me was within his rights to pronounce judgement me. At the time, It appeared that I was without hope I closed the Bible yet this still gnawed me. I had many thoughts operating within my thoughts as earlier stated two forces were  working within me. One was the encourager the. other was the accuser. It felt as though I was in wrestling match. One of the thoughts that  pop into my head & it was clear as a bell. Our next door neighbor allows our family use their cottage for a week at Lake Muskogee. My youngest brother & I was bouncing on diving board on the dock & he fell into the lake & would’ve drowned,  if wasn’t for my sister  Marcia who was on the dock at the time  she jump in &  held him until someone pulled him   of the lake. At the time I was paralyzed with fear & thought I pushed him in the lake,& this tormented me for many years. Instantaneously another concept pop in my brain. When roughly  seven-year old I remember being on the lower diving board at Macklin pool ready to jump into 10 feet of water & was apprehensively generally  more like cold feet nonetheless in the pool was my sister Marcia who was encouraging me to jump in which I finality did. What I needed to do is trust in the spirit of faith in which it was encouraging me to leap into the unknown. Even thou I did not fully understand it. The only thing I knew was some guy name Jesus died on a cross for all the wrongs things we did. A story told by mother throughout my childhood years. Around a kitchen table at Christian retreat Center called L’Abri in front of several witness. I simply asked for Jesus to forgive me & thank him. I felt a huge that burden was lifted from me & felt free indeed. All the things that hung around & haunted me instantaneously vanish.  God heard my prayer. God also heard another prayer that day my mother and sister Marcia prayer her foolish rebellious are now believer. As scripture says in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents. To those like cousin my Dan, my sister and brother Marcia, and Bob, and my mother, to Pastor John who cares enough visit me  while in the hospital, and turn my back did not welcome him, to tho  those countless unknown people. They all care enough to preach Christ, and  his atoning work. Thank you caring and I am deeply graceful even thou I was ungraceful at the time. Remember these words written by King David Psalm 25; 7 “Do not remembers the sins of my youth or my acts of rebellion.”  
By the way, I did not push my brother push into the lake he simply bouncing on board & fell in One. Many fat lies told me that day & throughout rebellious years by devil himself.